Hello~
I really don’t want to make an emotional rollercoaster out of this or anything and that’s why I’m trying to keep this very short (haha i tried) and simple.
First of all, I‘m really sorry for any mistakes in my English or maybe incorrect pronunciation every so often. I’m not a native speaker hehe.
Ok so, where do I start?
The reason that I’m leaving is because I cannot handle the hate I receive at all. Before I started this account and it started to gain popularity and support, I would never have guessed I’d be that sensitive to it. It was the small comments that really got to me. Just one tiny comment under hundreds of other positive ones took me at least a week to forget and move forward from. So as you can see, I really can’t handle it.
And I, personally, think being in the Army fandom and being “well-known” in it means you have to have a really strong character and personality - something which I never had.
There was a time when I visited Korea and recorded a really amazingly talented dancer and I wanted to share his talent with others, with my followers. I absolutely adored him because he was of exactly the same standard as an idol and showed so much potential - even his dancing style was so close to Jimin’s. So as you can imagine, I freaked out and that was the start of a new chapter I would love to forget. But I never did and probably never will.
People started to call me a stalker, a koreaboo and all sorts of other names. All of which I honestly couldn’t understand because I had seen many people uploading videos of Korean street dancers. Then, I realized that I had simply used the incorrect wording in my caption when I shared my admiration for this guy on Twitter. My English was not it’s best at that time and I realized that when you’re not sure about your English and what you should say then you just shouldn’t open your mouth. That’s what I thought and still think but I still don’t know if it’s the correct thing to say or way to word it. But on the other hand, everyone should be free to say what they want, right? I don’t know.
Anyway, after that, I finally realized that this is nothing to me. I didn’t want to be this “well known” editor and I found myself failing to connect with the fandom in the same way as before. So, I tried to take a step back from Twitter and just edit my videos so no one could actually attack me personally. Well...they did. Badly. It actually got worse in my eyes.
At the same time, I figured out how stressful all this was: uploading a video everyday, people telling me that I was not improving and...it just became too much and I realized that I didn’t edit for myself anymore...I edited for others. And the enjoyment I got out of making edits completely disappeared. I started hating it so much but I still tried to continue making them because I felt like I had to. You have to make them happy, you want to see positive comments. It went so far that I only lived for UA-cam and the comments I needed to feel good. And this opened my eyes. This wasn’t what I wanted for myself, this wasn’t something I wanted in my future and it needed to stop.
And I did, I finally stopped. And it felt amazing.
I stepped out of the Army fandom, out of the editing scene and holy moly guys...I felt free for the first time in about two years.
I returned to my old hobbies and right now, I feel like I’m finally doing what I want.
So, this is going to be the last video on this channel. Due to this channel, I’ve made many amazing friends and I‘m so grateful for that. It wasn’t bad the whole time, of course. I have many fond memories too, like being able to communicate with my followers and being able to read those positive comments that were enough to keep me alive at that time. They made it all the more bearable.
I am still a fan of BTS and their music. I still love BTS for who they are, I just moved on and found my way back to an old hobby, which I think is great.
Since this is my last video, I really wanted to give new editors a chance. So I added a list of some that I think are absolutely amazing.
Thank you for everything and I hope everyone stays healthy~
[ if you're interested in songs I used ]
SPOTIFY: open.spotify.com/user/datjimilly/playlist/2ZChfD5FW5HcG2DeX6bJUn
SONG: ME TOO - MEGHAN TRAINOR
PROGRAM: SONY VEGAS PRO 12